Sacrifice II

Perhaps it is more sacrificial of a sacrifice if no one knows that what you're doing is a sacrifice to you.  The reason they might not know is because for them, it is the good life.  But you have different desires and for you it is a sacrifice.  Or does no one ever truly sacrifice?  For a Christian who "lays down her life to find it," doesn't she lay it down because what she gives up is truly lesser than what she gains?  And it wouldn't be a noble sacrifice at all to forgo eternal joy as a sacrifice to endure the pains of life without Christ.  No, what is sacrificed must be given up for something that is truly better, though often painful in the mean time.  Here is what the Lord says about this: "To obey is better than sacrifice."  So do not sacrifice merely for the sake of sacrifice, but obey the Lord and be willing to sacrifice everything, should he ask.

I'm realizing more and more that I WANT to live overseas in the future.  I have imagined raising my kids in another country.  Whenever I hear of young families going overseas, I think to myself, "someday that will be me and my family," and I start looking forward to it.  I think that for me to live in America and raise my kids here, would feel like a sacrifice.  But for most people the opposite is true.  So it feels like, "why would I need to sacrifice that if I could do what no one else wants to do and love it?"  The Lord is working faithfully, to bring me to maturity, though I know not where he will lead .  I hope to delight in the Lord's will, for in the center of his will is not sacrifice but abundance.

I wrote a sort of poem (what my father mockingly calls doggerel--despite iambic pentameter, no less!) along these lines:

King of Circumstance

Thought I had figured out who I would be,

Knew how I'd go, and where and what I'd see,

But questions come that force me to my knees,

Was this a plan for life, or merely training dreams?

Perhaps their purpose lay inside my heart

So inclination would not stray too far.

I pause and sigh, with nervous backward glance,

And turn my gaze to King of Circumstance.

It seems my path will make another turn,

The New Way is more diff'cult to discern.

Wherefore the views my heart has grown to yearn?

Are these mere borrowed dreams I must return?

So shall I open soul to changing scene,

Humble myself to follow One Who Leads.

With firm resolve, but risking backward glance,

I fix my eyes on King of Circumstance.

I know not how He leads nor to what end,

I only know that He is faithful friend,

Who gives me more than I could ever spend,

Would He, in gentle love, my heart dare rend?

Mature his vision of what I must bear,

Prepared for heaven when I meet Him there.

A steadfast heart, with nary backward glance,

I fully trust my King of Circumstance.

Sacrifice to Go

For the eyes of Yahweh roam throughout the earth, to show himself strong for those who are completely his (2 Chronicles 16:9a).

In reading Amy Carmichael's biography, I have come to the part when Amy clearly hears God's command to her to "go."  It struck me how Amy was already doing the Lord's work in England, leading a ministry and Bible studies for the factory girls.  She was serving the Lord wholeheartedly and it hadn't really occurred to her to "go," but she felt the "cry of the heathen" in her heart.  For her, going meant leaving her widowed mother, her spiritual father and mentor, her ministry in England, her brothers and sisters, and probably never coming back.  Immense sacrifice.

I particularly like the words of Amy's mother, written in a letter to Amy:
"He who hath led will lead
All through the wilderness,
he who hath fed will surely feed. ...
He who hath heard thy cry
Will never close His ear,
He who hath marked thy faintest sigh
Will not forget thy tear.
He loveth always, faileth never,
So rest on Him today--forever."

I admire Amy's struggle to be willing to sacrifice.  I admire her obedience.  For me, the thought of one day going overseas again has never involved too much sacrifice.  It is more of my preference.  Perhaps it would be more of a sacrifice for me to stay here, somewhere in the US.  Does the Lord always lead us towards sacrifice?  Probably in one way or another, because his heart is that we be matured and sanctified, not satiated by worldly circumstances, but satisfied in him.

P.S. Amy and her family started a family newspaper, and I love that idea as a way of encouraging my future kids to write and think about ideas with each other, and work towards deadlines, but also fun!

Revelations from Procrastination

Things are changing inside of me, always.  Usually the change is gradual and not very noticeable, but this week there was a pretty abrupt change.  It came, not surprisingly, after a conversation with my parents.  We had been talking about a particular homework assignment, that I felt bad (bad is rather an understatement of something better described as terrible, depressed, or hopeless) about because I considered myself two weeks overdue, still having written nothing and having little to no idea how to do the assignment, paired with about the same amount of motivation.  My parents were somewhat surprised (perhaps even shocked?) to discover that I was that far behind on an assignment.  When I considered their reaction, I decided that I also was shocked.  Shocked.  That's not who I am, and not what I want.  Sarah does not finish her assignments late.  I spent the next day or so mourning the loss of my former self, during which time I also took two personality inventories for one of my classes.  This only compounded my grief, because the inventories asked me to rate the truth of statements like "I always turn in work on time" or "I work steadily towards deadlines" or "I am reliable."  I could not honestly endorse those items, and personality profiles are supposed to be enduring features of a person's way of being in the world, so it felt like I was forever changed.

Beauty is born out of ashes, and out of my grief came a newfound resolve to dedicate myself to the rigors of graduate school.  The first thing I decided was that I would not play ultimate frisbee until I had finished the assignment.  I decided this on a Tuesday and I was supposed to play in league that night.  I also usually play pick-up ultimate on Fridays and Sundays.  Ultimate is a great way to exercise; the only problem is that when I play ultimate it rarely takes less than three hours per occasion.  This led to something that has not happened in quite some time: I spent a weekend at home, not traveling anywhere, in which I did not play ultimate or hang out with my ultimate frisbee friends.  I also took a real Sabbath (day of rest to remember that God is the one who provides for me, and he can do it without my help, so it's appropriate for me to take a day off) on Saturday.  Mine have been rather lame lately, including travel and days that were scheduled almost to capacity.  This time not only did I not do work, but I also did not plan more than two activities with other people.

This series of rare events led to many discoveries:

• Six extra hours on a weekend is quite significant, though it's more like ten extra if you count the amount I usually hang out with my frisbee friends
• Biking is awesome and I love it
• Naps are also awesome
• I like doing homework at a relaxed pace, and I learn a lot more that way too
•  There are cool people in my life who I usually don't have time to hang out with
• I am addicted to recognition from groups of people (I discovered this after church on Sunday when I found myself disappointed that I didn't get any invitations to Easter lunch/brunch, even though I knew it would be better for me to come home, relax, and study.  Once I got home I truly enjoyed getting to relax at home instead of being in a group of people talking.  This is true in many other circumstances as well, but I constantly find myself accepting invitations to hang out with people and undervaluing time I get to myself at home.)

I wish I could write more because my thoughts related to this topic are nowhere near finished, but that homework assignment is calling my name ;)

Community

How do those who come out of cohesive families, but themselves remain single, deal with their loss of family as primary community?  What are the core elements of experiences of rejection or inclusion?  Many people seem to find meaning from how they are, or are not, relating to other people.  Is that meaning entrenched in the hearts of all?


Definition of COMMUNITY (from Merriam-Webster online)

1

: a unified body of individuals: asa : state, commonwealthb : the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly : the area itself <the problems of a largecommunity>c : an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common locationd : a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society <a communityof retired persons>e : a group linked by a common policyf : a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests <the international community>g : a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society <the academiccommunity>

Everyone experiences community in at least one of the ways described by the definitions above.  My favorite combination of those definitions would be: a unified body of various kinds of individuals, interacting together in a common location and linked by common interests or beliefs.

My family as community could be described as: a group of individuals with a common history, sharing their emotions, reflections, and decisions with each other.  That was my first community, and my primary community for 18 years.  I wonder how it shaped my view of communities now.

Kingdom of Couches

Do people need me or do I need them?  In church, when I go to talk to people after the service, is it because I want to serve them and care for their needs, or is it because I want them to know me, be familiar with me, and like me?  Let's not kid ourselves, it's the second one.  What about in frisbee?  What about in lifegroup?  What about when I'm hanging out with friends?  This needs to change.  This needs to change because I am acting selfishly and the Bible specifically tells me not to act this way.  It says "do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought," and "look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others."  The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I recently reread part of a book (a really good book called the Kingdom of Couches, by Will Walker)  that asked the question: "Would you rather go to heaven now, or later?"  The author went around asking people this question and found that most people said later, because they still wanted to enjoy life for a while.  I mean, I find myself thinking there are still things I want to do here on earth too, and they're not particularly spiritual things besides the fact that they fit into my spiritual life quite nicely.  You know, I want to get married to a really godly guy, I want to have kids and raise them to love Jesus, and I want to tell people about Jesus in another country, potentially because that's a really acceptable excuse to live in another country.  If heaven is really way better, which it is, then it definitely makes sense for me to want to go there right away, instead of hanging around to enjoy life.  Paul's attitude in Philippians is that he wants to go to heaven and prefers it, but knows he needs to stay on earth longer to encourage all the churches he is mentoring.  Pretty much, he is staying for others, and not for himself.  He is living missionally.

Anyway, the Lord is really wowing me with this idea this afternoon, so I'm going to try to live it.  I will most likely fail, but please feel free to remind me to live to serve others whenever you see me messing up.  This post is dedicated to two wise women who gave me advice less than a month ago to be kind, and to serve others.  And also to my didi, who told me to lavish resources on others. 

For an excerpt of the book, the Kingdom of Couches, by Will Walker, go here: http://crupress.campuscrusadeforchrist.com/files/products/kingdom.pdf

Family Blessings

Today my family blessed me.  They celebrated my recent graduation with a meal, and each family member gave me a piece of advice.  They advised me to…

CE: learn to cook many things before I get married.

BR: give guys a “no thank you” date.

CS: eat at least 7 meals a week unless I am fasting.

AN: avoid making big decisions out of desperation.

GB: review any decision I make with the Lord.

GM: be kind.  And also to ask my grandma about everything, because she knows.

CO: make sure he’s the one before you jump the gun.

UA: consider long courtship and short engagement.

DS: avoid perfection.

ML: be a servant to all, especially Jesus.

BJ: lavish my resources on others.

I loved receiving their advice, because I knew they spoke to bring good things into my life and not harm.  Each person also spoke out of their own life experiences and values, mixed with what they know about me as a person.  And they also prayed for me, which was the best of all.  I felt loved.

It didn’t hurt that we ended the evening with a hilarious game of signs, in which my grandpa’s sign was picking his nose with his pinky finger.  This was followed by a cousin dance-off, and much laughter.

Therefore, I am preparing to enter a new year in kindness, serving others, and lavishing my resources.  By God’s grace, eating will continue to come naturally to me, and perfection will be avoided.  I’ll have to keep working on my cooking and carefully handle my decisions.  The dating and engagement advice will have to wait a while longer though.

From the Bible

¹ How the king rejoices in your strength, O Lord!
      He shouts with joy because you give him victory.
 ² For you have given him his heart’s desire;
      you have withheld nothing he requested.
Psalm 21:1-2

I just like these verses.

For my kids:

Well, no I don't have any of my own kids yet (not even close), but I always find myself thinking about them.  I think of activities that would be fun to do with them, and I think of things I want them to learn, things I want to teach them, and creative ways to help them learn those things that are important.  I've always loved kids.  They are so fun, and when I am with them, my mind is always working.  Life becomes simpler, and I find myself thinking of life in terms of how I could explain it to the kids around me.

What is there to explain, you ask?  There are so many things I learned when I was growing up, but some things I wish someone had explained to me.  And it's not that no one explained it to me, it's just that no one explained it to me in a way that I "got it."  Or I just wish I had "gotten it" earlier.  It feels like life would have been easier or have made more sense if I had just understood sooner.  Or like I would have been able to have practiced more or experimented more effectively with my actions if I had known sooner.

Life is continual discovery.  I always want to keep learning new things, even when I am old.  Perhaps thinking about what I want to teach my kids is just a way that I try to cement the things that I am learning in my own mind.  Because I know that in order to be an effective teacher I must appropriate what I am learning to my own life.

They will have so much to learn, so it is impossible to teach them everything.  Above all, I want my kids to love Jesus!  I want them to learn to follow him in everything, and run to him with every concern.  I want them to experience his peace, love,  and joy just like I do!

In this spirit, posts may follow to explain some of what I want to teach my kids.

My theory

...or really my passion--I've discovered it!

Families are my passion.  I want to help families be whole and healthy.  I want to help parents raise their kids well.  I want kids to feel loved and invested in by their parents, and to be best friends with their parents, just like I am with mine.  I absolutely love the experience I had growing up in my family.  And I want everyone to be able to say the same thing.

Every family is different, but I think a family is successful when kids feel substantially equipped by their parents, and emotionally close to their parents, so that when they grow up, children and parents are able to relate to each other as close friends, able to mutually encourage each other.  A child should feel that his parents are his most supportive allies.  I believe this kind of encouraging and supportive relationship can be maintained even through developmental years.

I have often tried to put these concepts together in my mind, sort of in search of a theory to neatly summarize what makes a family good.  Here are my thoughts on a few key components:
Consistent time together: families need consistent time spent together to be friends with each other and get to know each other.  The time spent together will foster the most openness and support if vulnerability and value are present in those times.
Vulnerability: mutual sharing of concerns, struggles, dreams, desires.  Sharing the deep places together vulnerably contributes to closeness in a family and enables them to understand one another.  It also leads to opportunities to value each other.
Value: Communicated a number of ways, value is placed on others especially in moments of vulnerability.  It comes through empathy, encouraging words, words of hope about the future, speaking to a person's identity, and also through physical touch and all the other love languages.

Parents are responsible for arranging/requiring consistent times of interaction for the family.  Within those times parents must invite vulnerability and model valuing of family members, and vice versa as well.  Children will grow into these traits as they see them modeled are invited by parents to practice them.

So I realize this post is a little over-enthusiastic and simplistic, but it's a work in progress.  Thoughts?  Additions?

Unfinished Stories

Have you ever wondered what to say when someone asks how something or someone has changed your life?

My experience usually goes something like this:
Question I read in a book: "How has Jesus changed your life?"
My thoughts: "I'm supposed to have a great answer to this question."
Book: Gives wonderful example answer involving turning from a life of addiction, dramatic conversion experience, and ninjas.
My thoughts: "hmm, my story isn't really like that."  "What is my story?"  "Why can't I think of anything?"  "Did Jesus really make a difference in my life?"  "Sarah, don't be silly, of course he did!  You have learned and grown so much!"  "Why can't I think of anything?"

I mean, my story isn't like the other stories I hear that sound, well, exciting and dramatic.  My story feels much more steady and even-keeled, with no huge turning points, only lots of little ones.  It's always bothered me that I find it difficult to answer the question, "How has Jesus changed your life?"

I think it's because all my stories are unfinished.  There's nothing I can look at and say, "I used to really mess this up, but now I get it right."  It doesn't mean I'm not changing and learning, it just means I'm learning and changing more of the same things continually.

Here are some of the dimensions where my life keeps changing:
Learning to spend time with Jesus
Knowing Jesus
Learning who Jesus says I am
Learning to share and be generous
Learning humility
Learning to love other people with actions
Learning to communicate acceptance with words

There are many others, those are just the few that come to mind at the moment.  The thing is, they're all unfinished.

Rejection.

The door is closed.
It seems unopenable, impenetrable, immovable;
it doesn't really matter that it was closed inch by inch
until the last crack of light disappeared,
instead of slammed shut in an instant;
it is closed for now.
The phone buzzes.
It's a final word from a former friend,
words of anger, words that pierce;
"I don't like what you said, I won't be your friend,"
the message sinks past defenses to the vulnerable heart;
will it stay that way?
Avoided glances.
This hurts almost more than the words that were spoken,
a constant reminder of friend torn asunder,
and the heart wants to harden, to strengthen defenses,
to numb all the hurts,
yet it remains open.

25 pages...

means I have just finished writing the longest paper of my life.

I am happy to say I have come a long ways in paper-writing since I first started this blog.  No, I do not have many blog posts to show for the paper I just finished.  But I understand the process a lot better.  Or rather, I've developed a process that's starting to work for me.

For this paper I knew I had to start more than a month in advance for several reasons: 1) I had never written a paper longer than 16 pages and didn't even know if I was capable of writing 25 pages of double-spaced text; 2) my prof straight up required us to have 20 sources; 3) I decided based on previous paper-writing experiences that familiarity with sources definitely helps the medicine go down; 4) reading 20 sources takes a very long time.

Well, I didn't end up reading 20 sources, but I did read significant parts of at least 13 sources.  In fact, out of all the time I spent on this paper, probably about half of it was spent reading and taking notes on sources.  I hadn't written anything aside from a single blog entry (on the medical model) until less than a week before my paper was due.

For the sake of drama, let me chronicle the last few days of the process leading up to the Monday 12:30pm due date:

Thursday.  Usually I'd be busy seeing clients all day, but I had half the day off, so I finished reading a source I had started and was able to write the first 2 pages of my paper.

Friday. After working two hours at my job in the morning I come home and send out a call to prayer by email to faithful friends letting them know I'm feeling quite overwhelmed at the prospect of writing 23 more pages by Monday.  I work until my meeting at 5pm, and still have only written 2 more pages.  The girls I meet with from 5-6:15pm encourage me that God will help me write my paper.  I go home and write another 4 pages, and also add in the blog about the medical model, which puts me up to 9 pages.  I am not feeling very happy with the pace of my writing and estimate that if I continue at the same pace I will not finish on time.

Saturday.  I wake up and read my Bible and ask Jesus to help me with my paper.  While I am praying, I get the idea that instead of writing sections of the paper in order, section by section, I should try writing source by source, and just plug in the information from each source into the appropriate section.  I apply this strategy and work until a bridal shower that night, with a brief break to choreograph some of my new rap parody.  By the time I leave for the shower I have 17 pages, which has me feeling very pleased.  I come home and am able to add only 1 more page, putting my total up to 18.  I have finished adding the information from all my source notes, and I go to bed.

Sunday. It's my Sabbath, so I don't work on my paper at all.  Now maybe you understand why I was afraid of not finishing.

Monday.  I wake up at 6am and work straight until 11:45am.  I had been sleeping a little fitfully the night before and woke up ready to start working.  I had been worried about what I would add to my paper, not knowing how I would get another 7 pages since I had already used the information from my sources.  But I just start working through the paper and adding transitions and explanations between all the information from my sources, and the paper keeps growing.  At 11:45 I had three lines on the 25th page.  Done.  I emailed it in and left the house within ten minutes to catch the bus.  I even made it to class on time.  I feel AWESOME!  I think I am smiling super huge and dancing in my seat the whole bus ride.  I try not to smile to big at my classmates who all look dead tired, but I feel FULL of energy and enthusiasm.

What did I learn? 

1. Source by source writing is TONS easier than section by section writing.  Before I wasted so much time looking for the facts I needed and wondering if I was missing anything.  This way it was all included and I just put it in whatever section needed it most.  I'm really thankful God shared that secret with me :)
2. Jesus provides for me!  And that's why I take a Sabbath, to remember that Jesus can provide for me and does provide for me despite my best efforts.
3. Reading sources and taking notes on them is worth it.
4. I can write 9 pages in one day.
5. Starting to actually write more than a week in advance would probably be a great idea next time.
6. Finishing a task that seemed overwhelming and impossible well and on time is a completely exhilarating feeling!

Oh, and the paper was about evidence-based practice in psychology, but who cares?

The Medical Model

The medical model has long been the dominant model of our time for providing health services.  It has the most power, the most money, and the largest following.  Essentially it has these core components: a disorder, a scientific explanation for that disorder, a mechanism of change, healing actions, and specificity.  The disorder is whatever the problem or complaint is that puts the patient in need of services.  The scientific explanation is the etiology of that problem according to relevant research or theory.  The mechanism of change is whatever strategy will be used to solve the problem.  Healing actions are the specific interventions applied to the patient.  Specificity is the inference that the healing actions are what cures the patient.  These comprise the core of the medical model.

In the realm of medicine the strategy used is applying medical knowledge, and the healing actions are the actual treatments given, but in psychology the strategy is the theoretical approach of a given counselor, and the healing actions are the specific interventions used.  In medicine the interventions are physiochemical, but in psychology the interventions are psychological.  Both have incidental, or placebo, effects that are psychological.  This poses somewhat of a problem for psychology as both the specific interventions and the incidental effects are psychological.  Perhaps the medical model is not the best framework for psychology.

Nevertheless, psychology has adopted the medical model, which means it has had to fight for turf in the medical arena.  In the 1990s psychopharmacology started to assert that its treatments were more effective and more proven.  In response, psychology had to prove the effectiveness of its own treatments, which led to manualized treatments and contributed greatly to the thrust now known as evidence-based practice.

In the medical model everything must be proven, and since psychology has professionally fallen into this model, it leads to specific treatments having to be documented and then proven through research, as if they were a new drug being tested.

Counseling in the Chinese World Consultation: Diamond in the Rough

…or in the jungles of Thailand, as it were.

This consultation was not well known outside of certain circles, nor was it advertised beyond a few notifications.  It was arranged by humble people doing significant work, and attended by the same.  I did not have much idea of what to expect in coming here, but what I found was valued relationships, insightful discussions, rest for the weary, and vulnerable stories.

What made the conference so beautiful was the people who came.  We had counselors, professors, community leaders, counselor-trainers, students, spouses, nonprofit workers, and supervisors.  And they came from a variety of backgrounds, some from Chinese backgrounds, some from Western backgrounds, and some from a mix, and current living situations in all parts of China (Beijing, Chengdu, Sichuan, Kunming), Hong Kong, Taiwan, Thailand, Malaysia, and America.  Some came as teams, some as individuals, some as couples, and even some as families.  Many already knew some others, and many new connections were made.

Our backgrounds greatly enriched the conference but also posed some challenges.  The greatest challenge revolved around the truly bilingual composure of our group.  A little more than half of our 28 participants spoke Chinese as their heart language, and the remaining spoke English.  Of course, the vast majority of the group spoke both languages, enough to benefit from proceedings in either language, but a few speakers did not understand much at all of the other language.  So even though the least bilingual among us spoke at least some of the other language, it was not enough to understand a session.  This meant that a burden of translation fell onto the small portion of our members who spoke both languages well enough to translate.

Translation was a struggle throughout the conference, and taxed our most fluent members heavily.  We tried several different strategies, most often choosing to have simultaneous translation for small groups of people at a time so as not to slow down our meetings.  This language divide also permeated our informal interactions, with participants of the same heart language more likely to connect with each other than primary speakers of opposite languages.  However, I was impressed to see bilingual meal tables and a lot of code-switching (e.g. switching between English and Chinese), and plenty of persistent participants making connections with speakers of opposite languages as well.

Personally, I found the bilingual nature of this conference delightful yet stretching.  I was a little nervous when, as a primary English speaker, I was placed in a small group with three primary Chinese speakers.  I thought our small group would probably have to operate completely in Chinese, and worried that this might keep me from fully participating.  Our small group did operate mostly in Chinese, but I was absolutely delighted to discover that I could understand almost everything that my group members were saying.  Of course I didn’t understand every single word, but I understood their stories and what they were communicating.  And I even learned new words, and was reminded of old words I had forgotten, just from context.  This is extremely exciting to me because my cross-cultural growing up experience has made language a crucial issue for me.  One of my greatest longings is to have more language ability.  It is always disappointing when I realize how much more there is to learn, or compare my Chinese ability to my English ability and find them so disparate.  Conversely, it is always a great joy when I discover that I have succeeded in a new way or have made significant progress in learning Chinese.  The new success that I delighted in this time was that of understanding Chinese spoken on a vulnerable heart level.  Never before had I had Chinese friends communicate with me on the heart level in Chinese.  I felt I was opening new doors of potential for vulnerability in cross-cultural friendships.  I still cannot communicate in Chinese on that heart level, so thankfully my group was able to find a happy medium in that it was completely acceptable for me to talk in English, since they all understood it well enough to understand what I was saying.  So we had a small group in which each of us spoke in our heart language, and all of us understood.  This was truly precious to me.

It was stretching too in that I also got tired.  I can understand a lot, but it takes more work to understand Chinese than it does to just listen in English.  Listening in English is like breathing.  Listening in Chinese is like treading water.  My mother would add that listening to both simultaneously is like running uphill.  I sincerely admire international students who have learned English as a second language and now attend classes in that language.  If I was already feeling tired, I had to force myself to keep paying attention and understanding instead of just tuning out.  There are also other levels of understanding that I have not yet reached.  When in our meeting we watched four group members have an academic-level discussion on major issues that arise in doing counseling in the Chinese Christian world, there was too much that I could not understand, so I had to listen to someone else translate.  I dream of the day when I will be able to not only understand that level of discussion, but also communicate well enough to participate.

This conference also produced the treasure of rich discussions built on our diverse backgrounds, and facilitated by our flexible schedule.  When attending a conference, one usually expects to be given a schedule of specifically what will happen when, accompanied by appropriate descriptions.  The schedules that we were given upon arrival had very little detail, as well as very little correspondence to what actually happened during our conference.  I suppose fewer numbers of people all staying in the same place and eating the same meals does allow for easy rescheduling with just one announcement.  What really happened is that we would start one session and everyone got so involved that it went overtime.  Also, we took long breaks.  The breaks were supposed to be only 30 minutes long, but they turned out to be more like an hour long.  However, no one seemed to mind, because what was happening during the breaks was the same as what was happening in the sessions, people were sharing stories and learning from each other and encouraging each other.  In fact, this is what happened the whole week no matter what we were doing.  Whether we were in a session, in small groups, eating, walking, or just standing around talking, the stories and learning continued.

We had two “fishbowl” discussions that were particularly interesting.  Four or five people were chosen to discuss a certain topic while everyone else watched.  For the first we had a professor, a community leader, a counselor-trainer/director, and a former community leader who is now a counselor.  All were native Chinese with experience working in China.  They discussed tricky issues involved in doing counseling in the Chinese world.  It seems there are a complicated set of expectations that clients have for counselors and community leaders in China.  For example, community leaders are often expected to do counseling for free for members of their community.  At the same time, the members may not really be serious about doing the necessary work of counseling, and use the community leader’s lack of counseling qualifications as an excuse not to engage.  Some community leaders are really not qualified, and most are overburdened with other responsibilities.  Others actually are qualified, and for them it can be helpful to let clients know their qualifications.  Clients in China respect qualifications and will be more likely to engage if they know they are working with a professional.  On the other hand, there are not many counselors at all in China, so people in certain communities are being trained to do the work of counseling without going through a formal program, by other counselors.  It was also suggested that any clients be asked to pay at least a small sum of money so that they would take counseling more seriously and be willing to engage in the work.

The second fishbowl had a Chinese couple who had worked in the aftermath of the Sichuan earthquake for three years, and three other people to listen and reflect with them.  Their stories were incredible and heartbreaking.  Since they were living in the earthquake zone, they too experienced the aftershocks and trauma.  They would visit a small town and return later to find it completely wiped out by an aftershock.  People disappeared as quakes continued to shake.  All day long they listened to other people’s stories and grief.  They were so full themselves that this put a lot of tension on their marriage.  The husband wanted to be alone after hearing other people’s stories all day, but the wife wanted someone to talk to.  And in some cases, the grief they were dealing with was so intense, that the wife described feeling like an idiot and not knowing anything to do.  So she just sat for three days with children who had lost both their parents because their father killed their mother in his trauma, not saying anything.  She realized the children were talking to the dog, and that was the only time they would talk.  So she talked to the dog too.  She was able to bond with them by just being there for three days, feeling their pain and talking to the dog.  Slowly this couple is being restored and renewed.  They have left the earthquake zone and are learning to laugh again.  They have more time to be together as a couple, but this is a burden that leaves slowly.

We also had several case consultations, where a member would share about a client, and the rest of us would listen and give feedback.  One psychotherapist was working in a Malaysian city that did not have many other therapists.  She was the only one with her level of qualifications, working at a local hospital.  A man with schizophrenia came to see her, but became explosive and threatening when she confronted him about sending her long emails that he expected her to read in between sessions (and in smaller communities it is much more difficult to limit access to your email address).  She struggled with on one hand feeling compassionate toward him and wanting to help him but on the other hand feeling extremely threatened by him.  His psychiatrist had already told him that he could only be seen for prescribing medicine and not for psychotherapy. In situations like these it seems best for the counselor to become a mobilizer of resources.  She cannot continue to see him, but what she can do is recommend other resources to him.  Also, confidentiality became a different story after she found out he was her next door neighbor.  People in the complex need to know, since he is in danger of harming her.  Other stories were shared and this was a valuable venue for discussing some of the challenges of providing care within a smaller community where the counselor may also be part of the community.  It becomes essential for the community as a whole to take on some burdens of caring for hurting individuals in their midst.  Again, confidentiality becomes a different issue and the counselor needs to help clients become part of community.

None of these were planned or scheduled before the conference started, but anything that happened became a platform for rich interactions full of insight.

More vulnerable stories were shared during small group times and saturated our informal interactions.  These went hand in hand with rest for the weary, because part of the soul is restored when it has a chance to share its burdens with a kindred spirit.  I had my own story unpacked when I realized through conversation with my TCK roommate for the conference that I had “more issues than I thought” when it comes to crossing cultures.  There were painful aspects of my experience that I had ignored and thought I had skipped over.  But I realized I hadn’t skipped over them, I merely failed to recognize them.  It felt so relieving to be with someone who understood because she had experienced the same, and it was good to hear her insights.

The other aspect of rest was just getting away from our normal routines and schedules, escaping to the beautiful mountains of Thailand, just up the road from an elephant training camp.  I heard people exclaiming how they were so grateful to come to this conference because it was giving them rest for their minds, souls, and bodies.  The flexible schedule also made the conference more restful, because it gave a feel of doing whatever was needed, instead of pressure to get things done or obey a schedule.

This conference was incredibly valuable to me and others who attended.  It gave us the opportunity to connect with like-minded people and care for each other.  Some participants previously felt very isolated in their work and ministry, but now feel they have support accessible through a quick email or phone call.  It gave us a chance to listen to and learn from each others’ experiences.  It gave us a chance to rest.  It enriched our perspectives on counseling in the Chinese world.  This conference was truly a blessing.
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So were the elephants down the road...

PS. See more pictures here

https://picasaweb.google.com/sarspin/ThailandElephantsAndOrchids?authkey=Gv1sRgCPr0yt609v3bqwE&feat=directlink

References

Well, I finished that paper I was working on in several earlier posts.  Indeed, I was very thankful for having practiced writing about it on this blog.  It made it much easier to get started writing when I sat down to write the paper because I already had something to work with!  That paper was much easier to write than previous papers.  It was longer too!  I think it has a lot to do with how familiar I was with the content by the time I sat down to write.  I knew the facts, and could even remember which sources they came from.  A very nice feeling.

Since I never cited anything before when I wrote on here, I thought I should at least include a list of the references I used.  See below.
References

American Board of Professional Psychology. (n.d.) Retrieved from http://www.abpp.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3285

American Psychological Association (2010). Accredited internship and postdoctoral programs for training in psychology: 2010. American Psychologist, 65(9), 868–893. doi: 10.1037/a0021495

American Psychological Association (2009). Statement of the APA Board of Directors on the Internship Imbalance Problem. Retrieved from https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://www.appic.org/downloads/APA%2520Imbalance%2520Statement.pdf

Association of Psychology Postdoctoral and Internship Centers (n.d.) Retrieved from http://www.appic.org

Association of State and Provincial Psychology Boards. (2010). Psychology licensing exam scores by doctoral program. Retrieved from https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://www.asppb.net/files/public/ASPPBPsychExamScores3-19-10.pdf

Association of State and Provincial Psychology Boards. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.asppb.org

Chin, E. M. (2009). Using externships, internships, and postdoctoral placements to your advantage. In S. F. Davis, P. J. Giordano, & C. A. Licht (Eds.), Your career in psychology (pp. 135-150). Sussex, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.

DeAngelis, T. (2006). License to move. Monitor on Psychology, 37, 80. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug06/license.aspx

De Vaney Olvey, C., Hogg, A., & Counts, W. (2002). Licensure requirements: Have we raised the bar too far? Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 33(3), 323-329. doi:10.1037/0735-7028.33.3.323

Hall, J. E., & Boucher, A. P. (2003). Professional mobility for psychologists: Multiple choices, multiple opportunities. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 34(5), 463-467. doi:10.1037/0735-7028.34.5.463

Logsdon-Conradsen, S., Battle, J., Anderson, P., Zimand, E., Sirl, K., Stapel, J., Ventura-Cook, E., Babat, N., & Kaslow, N. (2001). Formalized postdoctoral fellowships: A national survey for postdoctoral fellows. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 32(3), 312-318. doi:10.1037/0735-7028.32.3.312

Matthews, J. R., & Matthews, L. H. (2009). Preparing for licensure. In S. F. Davis, P. J. Giordano, & C. A. Licht (Eds.), Your career in psychology (pp. 151-162). Sussex, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.

National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology. (n.d.) Retrieved from http://www.nationalregister.org/about.html

Robinson, J. D., & Habben, C. J. (2003). The role of the American Board of Professional Psychology in professional mobility. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 34(5), 474-475. doi:10.1037/0735-7028.34.5.474

Texas Administrative Code. (n.d.) Examining Boards, Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists, Applications and Examinations, title 22, part 21, chapter 463. Retrieved from http://info.sos.state.tx.us/pls/pub/readtac$ext.ViewTAC?tac_view=4&ti=22&pt=21&ch=463&rl=Y

Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.tsbep.state.tx.us

Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists. (2007). Information for oral examination candidates. Retrieved from http://www.tsbep.state.tx.us/files/agencydocs/brochurenew.pdf

Certification Above and Beyond: Options for Overachievers

Some of you have received a license to practice as a psychologist in your state of choice, and you are not satisfied.  You want another credential to back up your training.  It turns out you have the grand opportunity of getting another credential, primarily through three organizations.  The first is the ASPPB (the progenitors of the EPPP).  The second is the National Register of Health Service Providers (NR).  The third is the American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP).  Now I know the rest of you are thinking, "Oh, but I was completely satisfied when I got licensed.  What could induce me to go to the trouble of obtaining another credential when I just spent the past seven to ten years getting my doctoral degree and getting licensed?!"  That is a great question.

The ASPPB, NR, and ABPP each offer their own credential, with their own qualifying process, and of course, the accompanying fees.  Each of these beneficent organizations additionally offers you the opportunity to start banking your credentials with them before you graduate with your doctoral degree.  Maybe you haven't heard of credential banking: sending all of your credentials and qualifying documentation to one of these organizations, having them verify each credential and archive it in a file for you.  Later when you apply for licensure in one or multiple states, you can have that organization send all your qualifying credentials directly to the licensing board of your choice.  This would save you the hassle of collecting all the official documentation and having it sent to a licensing board yourself, each time you apply for licensure in a new state.  As for the credential that is offered by each organization, and obtained by meeting specific requirements, it is like that organization's seal of approval.  The hope is that some states will recognize the credential as satisfactory and grant you a license without needing to see all your original documentation, and many states do recognize some or all of these credentials.  In some cases a state licensing board may still require you to take a jurisprudence exam or waive only some of the requirements for licensure.

I am too bored at the moment to go into the specific requirements for each credential, but rest assured that whether you seek a credential or just a credential bank you will always have to pay an annual fee to maintain your credentials with one of these organizations.  Really, this is an enterprise that stems from the original monster of different requirements for licensure in each state and the increased mobility of today's world.  If all states had the same requirements for licensure, then all states could be part of one big agreement of reciprocity, and instead of resending credentials to each new state you would only have to show them a current license and take that state's jurisprudence exam.  How simple that would be!  Not to mention much cheaper!

Mobility remains the number one struggle in licensure.  Let's say you originally get licensed in a state with very few requirements for supervised hours.  After practicing for 15 years, you decide to move to Florida, which requires 4000 hours of supervised experience.  You didn't have an accredited internship and only had 1500 hours of postdoctoral supervision.  Even though you have been practicing for 15 years, you still won't be able to get licensed in Florida until you make up the rest of your supervised hours.  And who is going to supervise you?  Another psychologist, possibly one who has only been practicing for five years.  Does this make sense?

Sarah's reflective voice

In a conversation I had with a few family members today, I realized that perhaps the voice I use in my reflective posts comes across as melancholy or in need of encouragement.  Of course, I am always appreciative of encouragement, but I want to set readers at ease, that the voice you might have interpreted as depressed in the birthday posts is merely what my reflective voice sounds like.  I was not trying to send a message to my friends and family that they need to try harder at making me feel special on my birthday.  It was not meant to make anyone feel guilty.  I am sorry if that is what it became to some of my readers.  Really I was not upset at all, because a birthday is still what it always was.  I anticipate this birthday will be about the same as any birthday, just because it is a birthday.  The posts were merely an honest, interested examination of some of the thoughts that go through my head when I think about birthdays.

By my reflective voice I mean my thoughts.  I suppose that even my family members have not really heard my thoughts prior to my writing a blog.  To me it seems quite normal and calm.  If I were to define my reflective voice it would be defined as such: an honest exploration of my thoughts on a given topic.  When I write a reflective post on this blog, it is just putting my thoughts into writing.  Prior to writing the present blog, I never really shared much of my written thoughts with anyone.  Perhaps I did on Xanga a few times in high school, but other than that it only appeared in my mind and in the spiritual journals I keep.

There are, naturally, many times that I try to share my thoughts verbally.  These are however, a slim slice of all the things I think.  As anyone who knows me can attest, I am a thinker more than a speaker.  My friends often catch me looking up or off to the side in the midst of conversation, as I try to organize and compose my thoughts.  Sometimes I am successful and am able to say what it is that I think.  Other times I drift off into just thinking or a daze, I'm not quite sure what it should be called, and I cannot catch the thoughts.  If someone asks me what I was thinking I will say I don't know, and that is usually honest, because I cannot remember.  The thoughts just ran together, leading from one to the next.

My looking up or off to the side can be offsetting, just as perhaps my reflective prose can be.  Many times I have been asked if I am sad or concerned about something, when I was only thinking.  By now I have learned they are referring to the expression I had while thinking, so I quickly reply, "Oh no, sorry, that is just my thinking face!"  As we get to know each other better, friends learn to recognize and accept the thinking face, and associated pause.

Friends often tell me they wonder what I am thinking, so I have tried to get better at expressing at least some of what I was thinking when I made a thinking face or paused for a moment.  I do not want my friends to be afraid that I am harboring negative opinions of them, and think that is why I do not say what I was thinking.  That is very rarely the case, but I suspect that less well known friends often wonder if that is the reason for my pause.  I am merely digesting an organizing something that was said, trying to decide what I really think.

When I was 22...

I started my 23rd year with a long day of interviewing for grad school.  It turned out to be the longest, most tiring interview out of all of them.  It also turned out to be worth it, since it was an interview for the school I now attend as a first year Counseling Psychology doctoral student.  Because I planned to be at interviews all day, my expectations were very low.  I didn't expect anyone I was around to know it was my birthday, and none of the people who knew it was my birthday would have access to me.  So I was delighted when my parents called me internationally to wish me happy birthday, as I was being driven to campus.  And the day ended with ice cream and a good conversation with my host, who is now my roommate!

In my 23rd year God provided for me greatly.  He got me accepted at one school, so I would know where to go.  He affirmed me in his plan for me by giving me a housing offer from my roommate, the very same day I decided to go to the program.  He also gave me funding through an assistantship two days later.  He had me invited to go to a church at an interview, so that I would want to check out the sister church in the town I ended up in.  And that church has made all the difference here.  God graduated me from college.  He gave me rest during the summer.  He gave me a life in a new town.  He gave me a road bike AND a car.

There were many hard things.  I struggled to learn how to rest.  I had to cut back and give up activities I enjoyed.  I had to say goodbye to many, many friends, and a community in which I was known and respected.  I had to come to terms with unfulfilled desires.  I had to give up a boy, which proved difficult in a different way than with my only other boyfriend.  I struggled, and still struggle with making friends in a new place.  I experienced loneliness in a deeper way than ever before.  I worked hard at school.  Satan tried to wrest my hopes away from me, but God wouldn't let them be swept away completely.

I learned about the power of the Holy Spirit and about God's voice, in a way that increased my desire, humbled my self-image, and yet led to more frustration with a lesson on patience and perseverance.  I learned that God wants to be my best friend.

What has God been teaching you lately?

Birthdays

Hard to believe another year has passed.  I am about to be a new age.  I've always liked my birthday because I like feeling special, and my birthday is a day that's special just for me among my immediate family and friends.  I truly do not envy those who have their birthdays near Christmas, Mother's Day, [Taiwanese] Father's Day, or any other holiday.  Birthdays also bring me to a place of reflection, which I usually savor.  How is my life different now than it was in past years?  What does it feel like to be older?  What did I think this age would be like when I was younger?  What new things have I learned and accomplished?  And what do I think the next year will hold?  Who are my friends?

The reason I ask who my friends are, is because I want to do something special on my birthday.  I don't want to spend it alone.  Wanting things to be special can be problematic though, because there's this whole issue of expectations.  If I want it to be special, but it's not: disappointment.  And who wants to spend their birthday feeling disappointed?  So I find myself both asking and answering the question of who my friends are on my birthday.  First I ask the question for people in my same geographical location, so that I know who to celebrate with.  Then I answer the question by subconsciously keeping track of who remembers or wishes me a happy birthday.  And because I like being remembered and recognized on my birthday, but I know that a lot of my friends just don't have that great of memories for birthdays, I also drop a few hints in the weeks leading up to my birthday.  I've found that I'm a lot more likely to be remembered on my birthday just by giving people the chance to find out my birthday is soon!  I suppose that's a partial strategy for making my birthday more special and less disappointing.

It's pretty selfish!  Why does it matter so much to me to feel special and remembered?  On occasions I've considered what a birthday would be like prior to which I did not drop any hints and instead made it special by planning to bless others in my life on that day.  Maybe it would be better to give on my birthday instead of desiring to receive.  In fact that seems really similar to a Bible verse I've heard...along the lines of "it is more blessed to give than receive."  Why can't I actually believe that?

Do you like to feel special on your birthday?  What can make that day special for you?

Hoops to Licensure Cont.

As promised...
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Also known as the Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology, the EPPP is required for licensure in all states and provinces.  It is a computerized written examination designed to test 8 major content areas (each comprising 8-15% of the entire exam) that are seen by the Association of State and Provincial Psychology Boards (ASPPB) as "foundational to the competent practice of psychology."  The exam has 225 multiple choice questions with four answers each and no penalty for incorrect answers.  As of Aug 2011, only 175 of those questions will contribute to your score (previously 200 of those items were scored).  The rest are pretest items for validity testing.  The scores for this test are scaled from 200-800 just like all the other major scholastic tests of life, i.e. the SAT and GRE.  In most jurisdictions a score of 500 or more is passing, and that is also the ASPPB recommended passing score.

But wait there's more!  In addition to passing the EPPP, all states require a certain amount of supervised experience.  Frankly, I'm still quite confused about how many states allow for some of these hours to be before your doctoral degree is conferred.  In general, I am under the impression that most states only allow you to count hours after you have received your doctorate, which would mean not counting any of your hundreds of practicum hours during graduate school, nor your thousand or more hours during internship.  The general standard for supervised experience seems to be around 1500 to 2000, though some jurisdictions may require up to 4000-6000 hours.  However, things in this arena may be changing, as the Commission on Education and Training Leading to Licensure recently recommended two years of experience (equivalent to around 2000 hours) as sufficient preparation for licensure, allowing for one or possibly both of those years to be before receiving a doctoral degree.

Furthermore, many states require additional exams.  The possibilities include an oral exam, a jurisprudence exam, and ethics or other exams.  These vary widely by jurisdiction, and anyone seeking licensure would be well advised to look up the specific requirements per state of choice.

After all of these requirements have been successfully navigated, you will apply for licensure in a given state.  This process entails filling out an application and having credentials and transcripts and records of hours all sent to the licensing board of said state, as well as an application fee, of course.  Then you will be a Psychologist.  Not a clinical psychologist or a counseling psychologist or an industrial organizational psychologist, everyone gets the same title: Psychologist.
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Coming soon: Certification Above and Beyond: Options for Overachievers